evening notes #2

2

 "On the riverbank, there's a boat. The path you follow leads to the Jordan River ..."

How amazing is the Creator? Our sun, a perfect size, at an ideal distance, warms earth as it spins on its axis and circles our life-giving star; it, in turn, orbits our galaxy at the outskirts of the Milky Way, and the Milky Way spirals as it moves through space. It has been going on for billions of years. Everything is moving somewhere, someplace.

Of late, my mind dwells on the grand scheme, or I do it more often. Anyway, the whole time Alice and I converse, I'm on autopilot. I feel I'm in another reality, as if I'm swimming in a river, and its current gently pushes me through space. I'm neither on earth nor in heaven. I may be in a higher plane of consciousness. All I know is, at this moment, I'm not entirely here, and I feel a presence like a sun's touch on my skin, a warmth that permeates my being. That's what I'm experiencing as I drop Alice off.

Mary is at home. She left work early because of pain in her legs, and It's disconcerting. I hugged her three times. I do everything in threes. It's a dumb superstition like not stepping on cracks or not walking under a ladder, but more importantly, I'm having a running conversation with God. I ask Him for strength as I hug Mary Ann three times. Each time I hug her a little tighter and a little longer. Mac, Jessica, Junior, and Mary's precious granddaughter, Sol, are there. I hug them all as if embracing can remove their fear and pain. In reality, I'm just trying to comfort myself. I say my goodbyes and walk out the door. I smile and tell myself everything is fine. It's all good.

Outside, children head home from school, a mother walks her baby, a couple of guys argue about the Chicago Bulls' weak defense, and a tabby chases a squirrel across the street and up a tree. Everyone and everything goes about their lives as the earth spins through space, and we continue our journey. I'm overwhelmed with emotion. I get in my SUV and drive away but turn into the first parking lot I see and sob. I'm in a strange state of mind as my sorrow quickly gives way to peace and tranquility. I feel the Spirit embrace me, and I'm comforted. I sit and let it all out -- all the sorrow, all the pain -- until all that's left is the hum of tires on asphalt, the wind rustling leaves, and the chatter of people going about their daily lives. To the West, the sun illuminates billowing clouds. It's ethereal, and I'm calm and serene as I immerse myself in Living Waters.

"Mary, we are burdened by oars we create and carry throughout our lives, but at the end of our travels, they help us navigate across the Jordan River to The Promised Land. The Spirit will be the guiding lamp on your voyage. On the opposite riverbank, mom and dad will be waiting for you. Be brave, my sweet niece, life is just beginning..."