Monday

tincup

 











.


(I can't

articulate)


We say, 'The river is endless.'

This isn't true.

It runs into a body of water.


We say, 'The sea is boundless.'

This isn't true.

It surfs from shore to shore.


We say, 'The sky stretches forever.'

This isn't true.

It extends from horizon to horizon.


// // // // // // //


O


spider,

speck above my head

- silk strand

- fragile line

Where does it begin


?


Are my forefinger and thumb

your inevitable end?


How do I measure


it --


squeeze 

 

&


>> >> >> >> >> >> >>


She's


gone __ 


<> <> <> <> <> <> <>


(Can grief be contained in a tincup ?)


What is its measure

- an orb

- a silk strand

- a forefinger

- a thumb.


(I can't

articulate)


The sun fizzles


>> // >> // >> // >>


A bleached stone 

in a dark sky


>> // >> // >> // >>


I drink from the cup __


It will be a lifetime

// // // // // // //

I will drink it forever

Tuesday

My Brother















I remember a time when Albert and I were very young. I had read the story of Icarus and the waxwings and told my brother and friends the tale. Albert's eyes were wide with the possibility of flight. Never mind the moral of the story. It was the fantastical, the wonder of flight that captivated him. We were country boys full of dreams and possibilities, and Albert said, "Let's calculate," which was a word he had just learned, but it immediately set the plan in motion.


We found a corrugated crate the railroad workers had tossed by the cotton gin. We measured and cut wings, glued chicken feathers, and attached rope and wire for hand and flight control. We christened the wings Icarus. We used an old outhouse as a launching station and surrounded it with mounds of loose dirt in case of an emergency landing, and we waited for a haboob, a dust storm prevalent in the Texas panhandle. 


Weeks later, awakened by the rattling of windows and the smell of dirt, exhilarated by what was about to happen, we jumped out of bed and phoned our friends. A giant wall of dust was rapidly approaching, so we hurried to the Outhouse Flight Station. By the time Oscar and Julio arrived, the winds raged, and visibility and communication were almost impossible. 


We prepared Julio, the youngest and smallest, with the wings, placed a bomber's cap on his head for protection, and tied it down with a bandana. He climbed the ladder and desperately tried to stand near the edge, but the powerful winds buffeted him every time he spread his wings.


We began the count down, "Ten, nine, eight." The world was a red and orange haze, and we could barely see each other. "Seven, six, five." The winds were ferocious and howled and grew stronger. "Three, two," Julio suddenly screamed, "I don't want to do this!" I asked, "Did he say, 'I don't want to do this?'" Oscar nodded. We all looked at each other, and then, at the top of his lungs, Albert yelled, "No, he said I want to do this!" He said it with such conviction that we immediately restarted the countdown, "One, zero, blast off!" And Julio, like a good soldier, jumped.


We held our breath, and, in the blinding dust storm, we saw Julio hover above the outhouse and disappear into space. Albert yelled, "He's flying! He's flying!" We hugged each other and jumped and whooped and hollered. We were euphoric and screamed, "We did it," but Oscar grabbed and yanked us around. "There," he said, pointing toward the outhouse. Huddled by the wall, we made out a form. As we drew near, we heard whimpering. It was Julio. He'd plummeted into the soft, loose dirt. It had broken his fall, but he was crying because his wish of being the first boy to soar through the clouds was gone. 


While Oscar tended to his brother, Albert and I discussed what had gone wrong. He said, "We have to recalculate." And so we did. Throughout the coming months, we tried again and again. We never flew through the sky or touched the clouds, but the summer of '65 was full of wonder and adventure as we chased the dream of flight.

Wednesday

I know that I am mortal ...

"I know that I am mortal by nature, and ephemeral; but when I trace at my pleasure the windings to and fro of the heavenly bodies I no longer touch the earth with my feet."


— Ptolemy

Thursday

Praying












It

doesn’t have to be

the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

-- Mary Oliver

Wednesday

Rest For The Weary



     Several weeks ago, my grandson and I drove to Rest For the Weary. Lost in thought, I passed the road that led to my brother's farm. We ended up going the long route from the opposite side. We snaked along a winding road until a worn and beaten path appeared. We slowly turned onto it. It was cold and wet; puddles were everywhere, and the potholes and ruts rattled our bones. 


     In the distance, we saw a cluster of trees. As we crept towards the farm, memories flooded my mind, and my skull became a tomb full of ghosts. Echoes of the past reverberated in my head, but Gabey brought me out of my reverie. "I hope we don't get stuck out here, gramps."


     "Especially with zombies roaming the countryside," I said, pretending to be frightened. We are obsessed with anything related to zombies, and it helped lighten my mood and ease my sorrow. 


     Finally, the road opened up to the abandoned farm. I said, "Keep your head on a swivel. Walking dead might amble out of the mist!" Gabey nervously giggled. "Remember," I continued, "when you were four, and I'd drive you to karate class? We imagined undead were chasing us, and we'd wipe them out with our zombie zappers?"


     "Yeah," he replied, "and we listened to Hall and Oats on the way there."


     "You memorized the lyrics to several of their songs," I said, nudging him. Gabey smiled. It was a good memory. Then I saw The Corn Crib, grew silent, and almost wept. "That's his church," I whispered. This was his dream. He loved the farm. Everywhere I look, I see him. It's as if I hear him calling."


     "It's sad," Gabey said as he scanned the farm for any signs of the walking dead.


     "Don't worry, Gabey. I'll fend them off until you make it to the SUV, then I'll dash for it. Unless, of course, I manage to wipe them out." We laughed as I reversed the vehicle, getting as close to the front porch as possible.


     As we loaded the kitchen hutch, I reminisced about the love that Albert, Shio, and I shared. I recounted anecdotes about the three amigos, which had him smiling and me sighing. I said I felt I could bring Albert back if I wished hard enough. I emphasized the importance of loving our families, respecting one another, and appreciating every moment of our lives. I urged him to let his loved ones know how much he cares for and values them.

     We secured the kitchen cabinet before I returned to the porch to clean up the mouse droppings while Gabey waited outside. As I worked, I couldn't help but think of Albert,  and I thought I heard his voice. Suddenly, a bell tolled, and I quickly reached the door. G stood before a giant cast-iron bell which was suspended between two thick posts. 

     "I didn't notice that before," I said.

     "Neither did I," he replied.

     "I guess we should get going, Gabe."

     "Okay," he answered, heading toward the Pilot.

     I grabbed the rope and pulled it hard, causing the bell to clang repeatedly. I tolled the bell for Albert. Closing my eyes, I imagined him walking toward me. My heart felt it was about to burst. When I opened my eyes, I saw Gabriel staring at me. I giggled foolishly and quickly yelled, "We better make a run for it, G. I just rang the dinner bell for the undead. They'll be coming soon!!" 

     We hurried to the SUV, and Gabey locked the door as soon as we were inside. "We're safe now," I said. "This vehicle is impenetrable!"

     As we drove away, a profound sense of loss washed over me. I thought about the abandoned farm just a few miles outside of Yorkville, in the prairie state, in the middle of America, where my brother's dreams were buried. I whispered a prayer and said my goodbyes.

     Gabey listened to music as he stared out the window. Looking back, I saw the farm fading into the mist, and I realized this would be the last time I'd see Rest for the Weary. I was overcome by a flood of emotions and felt a lump in my throat. I caught my breath, my eyes filled with tears as I grunted, "I'll run over any undead that gets in our way." I cranked the radio and bellowed, "Let's rock and roll!" Gabey chuckled as I turned onto the main road, and we prepared to do some zombie ass-kicking.

To get lost is to learn the way.




"To get lost is to learn the way. "*


I was chatting with Doug, a 92-year-old neighbor, and towards the end of our conversation, he said, "I wish I'd been a better human being. I have so many regrets."


"Who doesn't have regrets?" I replied. That's part of the journey. It's how we find ourselves, our soul." I sheepishly smiled because I thought, " Who am I to give a 92-year-old man advice? But he nodded and patted my shoulder. 


"I'll talk to you later, Este," he said, "I have to take care of Thelma." His wife is 97. She's sharp, but her body is failing her. Doug walked away unbalanced, bent, and pulled closer to Mother Earth. One day, she will embrace him as she does all of us.


Anyway, that's life, Gloria. That's the journey. There's always conflict between mind, body, and soul. Sometimes you feel you're losing your mind, and other times you feel connected and in tune with God and His creation. The only difference between you and me is that you've just started your voyage, and I'm more than halfway into mine. 


An anecdote. Yesterday morning, I woke and felt lost. A deep sadness tortured my mind, my body was in pain, and it ripped my soul apart, but I persevered. I said a quick prayer and forced myself forward step by step. I continued down the path. In the evening, while trimming evergreen bushes, a groundhog raced across the yard as crows dive-bombed him and blue jays chirped crazily. Suddenly, I was aware of the colors, sounds, and scents around me. It was euphoric, and all I could do was thank the Creator for the moment. 


You see, we're always between "losing our mind and finding our soul." Somewhere along the path, we find ourselves. Depending on our religious beliefs, we see the "way." It's being spiritual and allowing it to guide you, no matter how long it takes. Just appreciate your life and where it leads. 


*African proverb








tincup

  . (I can't articulate) We say, 'The river is endless.' This isn't true. It runs into a body of water. We say, 'The sea...